Dags att hoppa?

Jag startade den här bloggen 2015 när jag hade sagt upp mig från mitt arbete och skulle tillbringa en längre tid i Sverige för att se om det kändes rätt att flytta tillbaka från USA. Nu blev det inte en flytt 2015 då Sverige genomgick väldigt stora förändringar den hösten och jag visste ingenting om hur det skulle kunna bli vid en återflytt. Jag kom tillbaka till USA och kunde fortsätta arbeta inom skolan. 

Sverige har förändrats väldigt mycket sedan jag var där 2015 och även om jag inte har besökt landet sedan den hösten (mycket pga den mycket långa resan från glesbygden där jag bor och pandemin som gjorde att några år “försvann”) har jag följt med en hel del via både traditionell och mer alternativ media. Dessutom har jag fortfarande en del vänner jag har kontakt med som jag pratar med relativt regelbundet. 

USA har också förändrats på drastiska sätt framför allt sedan våren 2020 när pandemin svepte fram över världen. Kalifornien hade stora och drakoniska nedstängningar och åtgärder under lång tid. Landet USA är inte detsamma sedan pandemin startade. Det känns som om hela världen har förändrats på sätt som ingen tror jag kunde föreställa sig. 

En magkänsla har börjat smyga sig in hos mig att det möjligen kan vara dags för ett nytt “leap of faith”. Jag har inga konkreta planer ännu och vet inte exakt vad detta "hopp" skulle innebära men jag kanske kommer att "damma av" den här bloggen. Vi får se vad som händer.

Sameness

My first trip to the US took place in 1985 when I went to Los Angeles to visit the environmental organization Tree People. The founders of this organization (Andy & Katie Lipkis) had been in Stockholm where my dad and I met with them. They invited us and I felt that it was time for me to take a leap of faith and visit them. I was only 24 and had never travelled abroad on my own. That trip was definitely a leap of faith for me and I still remember how much I grew as a person during those 3 weeks when I stayed with Tree People and were taken care of like a "royalty" :) by members of this group.
As it is 30 years ago I don't remember details about everything I did but I was welcomed like Americans usually welcome people - with open arms and enthusiasm.

Despite a really bad cold that I caught I enjoyed myself tremendously during my visit and I still remember that I had thoughts that I wanted to live in the US. At that time I had no idea how hard it is to legally immigrate to the US, which maybe was a good thing. When I realized how hard it was to immigrate I thought that I would remain in Sweden and could not, even in my wildest imagination, foresee that I would meet with and marry an American.

It was pretty hard for me to come back to Sweden even after only 3 weeks as I felt "hit in the head" with the "smaller space" that was - and still is - in Sweden compared to the "bigger space" in the US. It is hard to put this into words but it is a feeling that permeates both countries. Sweden has been a fairly homogenous country for a long time (this is changing now with all the immigrants that are coming to Europe and Sweden) and there is a feeling of sameness in the Swedish society. People seem to appreciate to do things that others are doing, dress in similar clothes, have houses that look very similar, etc.
This is the opposite to the US where almost everything and anything is accepted and part of the American society. The number of people in each country is most likely a contributing factor (Sweden's population is only about 9.5 million people right now) but there is something else that has "colored" how things are done in Sweden. Exactly what that is, I do not really know but the word that came to me when I was thinking about this is "sameness."
A good example is something called "fredagsmys" in Swedish. It is a phenomenon that started some years ago when people in Sweden eat something "cozy" and maybe watch something on TV on Friday evenings. And this phenomenon actually spread to big parts of the Swedish population. Translated to English it would be something like "cozy Friday." The thought of something even remotely similar in the US is not possible.

I am now noticing this "sameness" when I am in Sweden and it feels odd to me as I have got used to the 'bigger space" in the US. One thing that attracted me to the US was the "bigger space" and all the options. This is a big thing for me as I have always felt different and the US is in many ways more allowing when it comes to differences. In that sense I have always felt more at home in the US.

Maybe Swedes are a bit like agent Smith in the Matrix movies. :)

To take a leap of faith

In my first post I shared some things about my next step which seems to be a leap of faith. I have taken a couple of leaps in my life but this one feels a bit different for some reason. Cannot really put words on the feeling, just that it is different.

To take a leap of faith is to trust your inner feelings, heart and gut to dare to do something without knowing exactly how it will turn out. It is scary to some extent and you have to listen inside to know what your next step will be.

When I was in my 20s I started following my intuition more and it is very different compared to just following your brain. It takes some practice to learn to distinguish between your intuition and your brain but once you get the hang of it, you can pretty easily tell the difference. And in my opinion, following your intuition is much more "rewarding" than just following your brain.

I remember very well when I connected with my now late husband and the leap of faith I took when I came to the US. My father and I had a book publishing company where we translated books from English to Swedish and then also published them. We did this in our spare time for about 20 years and it was interesting, fun, and a great learning experience.
We had read one of Michael's books and both liked it a lot. The book is a spiritual novel that takes place in Mt Shasta and after reading it I started getting a feeling that I "had to" visit the area.

I came for a visit in April of 1997 and it became clear pretty quickly that Michael and I were more than business partners. As I definitely was folloing my heart and gut it was fairly easy to decide to take that leap of faith to actually move to the US. It was probably good that I, at that point, did not know how extremely difficult it is to legally immigrate to the US.

If I had not come to the US I am sure that I would not have had the chance to change and develop as a person the same way as I have done in the US. To leave the country where you are born and have lived for a long time is a challenge in many ways and I have gone through many stages of this during the 18 years I have lived in the US. Being in Sweden for a longer time now and experiencing the Swedish culture is a bit of a "culture shock" as well, as I have lived in the US for so long.

Leaps of faith can be scary but they can also be great opportunities to grow and change. Right now I am trying to "land" a bit more in Sweden which I hope to do soon when I can make some trips to other parts of this country. So far I have mostly been doing "busy work" such as applying for a passport and opening a new bank account - both turned out to be a bit challenging due to new regulations that the US has imposed on the rest of the world.

Today I did something more fun than what I have done for the past 1,5 week - I visited one of my few cousins. I only have 4 cousins and they are my closest family now as both my parents have passed away and I do not have any brothers and sisters. My cousin A and I had a nice afternoon and her sister (another cousin) came for lunch as well which was really nice. A lives very near one of Stockholm's biggest attractions - Stockholm Globe Arena (now also called Ericsson Globe). It is currently the largest hemispherical building in the world.
A definitely lives close to this arena. :) I have been there twice to watch a hockey game and a Lucia concert many years ago.

Welcome!

About 18 years ago I took a leap of faith by coming to the United States. I had connected and met with an American man who lived just outside of Mt Shasta in the very northernmost part of California (Siskiyou County). My road to becoming established here has had its ups and downs but I went from coming here as a tourist to an international student at a college, then after marrying I got my green card, and finally I became a US citizen.

Now, I am again faced with another leap of faith as I recently left my job at the college (where I was a student) and have now just gone back to Sweden for an extended period of time to find out if I could see myself living in Sweden again.

I'll go into more details for doing this in later posts, but it has a lot to do with following my gut feeling, heart, and intuition. Those are the same reasons I had for coming to Mt Shasta 18 years ago. This time it also has to do with practical matters that involve being a dual citizen and how complicated it has become in the past year or so.

When I came to the US I was 35 and taking another leap of faith while being older has its challenges. But daring to jump is part of evolving as a human and spiritual being and that is what I am about to do. At the bottom of the blog it says "Sometimes your only available transportation is a leap of faith" and that feels very true right now. As I do not have any real ties to the Mt Shasta area it is a bit easier to dare to jump. My husband passed away some years ago, I do not have any children, and I have left my job. Leaving my job was not easy as I liked working at the college.

Hope you will enjoy this journey!

I live right next to the volcano Mt Shasta and I will for sure miss this majestic mountain while I am gone. Mt Shasta was considered a holy mountain by the Native American tribes that lived here. The mountain is also called Úytaahkoo in Karuk or White Mountain. Due to the severe drought in California, Mt Shasta has not had much snow the last couple of winters so I will share a picture when the mountain looked more like it "should." :) This was taken almost exactly 5 years ago and this is the view I have when I step out from my apartment.